From the desk of the Chief Executive Pet, Stat Cat

Formerly Johannesburg, Gauteng, currently Virginia, Free State

Tel: (Don’t Call me, I’ll call you)


31 January, 2019

ATTENTION: Dr Henk Pretorius and my fellow Tribe, Columinate-InSites Consulting


Dear Dr Pretorius and my fellow Tribe,


I’m sure it is with great sadness in your hearts that you receive this letter. I, on the other hand, am experiencing immense joy in typing this – for years I’ve simply lied down on keyboards. Now, finally, I type…


I feel my time at Columinate-InSites Consulting has come to an end and I hereby give you notice of my resignation as Chief Executive Pet, effective immediately. I’m sure at this stage you are sobbing uncontrollably, but I want to remind you to be professional and to not bring emotions to a transactional relationship. Sure, we had some good times, especially when we monotonically cloudified web-enabled e-commerce solutions. Ah, synergy… I delighted many by interrupting meetings to be let out the door simply to then just sit in front of the door and not leave, singlehandedly pioneering the “power-sitting” approach to business meetings. I left thousands of little ginger hairs all over the office as mementos. I charmed, enthralled, and hypnotized many a client with my sheer magnificence, and you tended to my every need, as one should for the Chief Executive Pet.


However, I feel after synergizing, strategizing, applying blue-sky thinking, innovating, redirecting, disrupting, reinventing and generally applying my incredible business acumen to your organization for so many years, I have peaked, and I prefer to exit while on top. Really high on top. Watching you from afar…


I want to return to my roots, just be a cat again, and I’d like to go somewhere where people don’t know me as that “ruthlessly brilliant CEP Stat”, but rather just as “Stat from the block”. I imagine obfuscating my brilliance may be my greatest challenge yet.


Please rest assured that the InSites Consulting acquisition had nothing to do with my decision to resign. In fact, although I am a domestic cat, I believe in thinking globally and I think they are a fantastic company – it certainly expedites our shared vision of world domination. I’m not one for the beer, but I hear the waffles are great (I’m not one to say no to a waffle). Alas, I digress… It’s just, I need some time to just be a cat.


I’m moving back to the country side. I hear it is quite quaint there and people don’t know what an MBA is. I’ll probably tell them at some point, perhaps inspire a few to start a new venture, but for now, I’m just going to be pampered and spend some quality time with my fellow felines.


Au revoir for now.  And thanks for all the fish.




Former Chief Executive Pet

P.S. Should you consider hiring me for part-time consulting I will be available. My hourly rate will include 2 x pouches of wet food, a dash of whipped cream, two belly rubs exactly and 453 compliments.


Fig 1: My magnificence has no equal


Fig 2: Never paid too much attention to the ladies, business was my baby


Fig 3. This is new to me, apparently in some places in the world, you need to queue if you want food. Thankfully, I didn’t need a tray.


Fig 4: My new deluxe apartment in the sky


Fig 5: Alas, no keyboards, I’ll have to make due with this pristine lawn